Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
photo credit: Lisa Oumm
“Sometimes, you have to walk away. You have to look at the things you’re giving energy to and realize that even though you could stay, and try to win their approval or try to make it up their ladder, you could also make the brave choice to take whatever energy you have left to a space that welcomes you. It’s never an easy decision to make, and it’s never easy to accept that you might be walking down a path that will involve risk and new unknowns, but there are times in life where walking away is the best thing to do for your health and who you are becoming. Even if it means that people will change their opinions of you… opinions of you that are not even rooted in truth. You may still need to walk away, trusting there is so much more ahead of you.” (Morgan Harper Nichols)
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A part of me wants to soften this, play the role of the nice, older child who has their “shit together”. But if I am learning anything, my actions and my being are not a bad thing. So here we go. // “Inhale, exhale, repeat.” These are words I share quite frequently whether through social conversations or my Instagram story feed. They have been a daily mantra as I have worked through and continue to work through my own unlearning and relearning. You might be questioning what I might possibly need to unlearn and what exactly I am “relearning”. All relevant questions, but redirect your eyes to the statement above.
The Shift
I’ve felt it lurking beneath the surface of my skin for years, really decades. The dissonance between what was the norm and what was deviant. I was the deviant, perhaps it’s why I titled my website “The Odd Daughter”.
I’ve known something was amiss, I noticed it in the high volume of stress and panic holding itself in the tension of my lungs…waiting, waiting for the wrong thing to be said and to be “found out”. I was the older, indecisive, perfectionist child who evolved into a 24-year-old adult who lives in a studio in Chicago and is in graduate school and “killing it” according to societal standards. Clearly, there should be no need for a post such as this, right? Wrong.
It’s not actually making it work when you aren’t living in your Truth and you are just going with the flow for the sake of keeping the peace. Read that again. When you are living performatively, you are exhausted constantly and guess what, there are ramifications for that.
I was fifteen years old when I slid on my purity ring and at the time was desperate for anything that would give my despairing heart a sliver of hope. I was told that hope was found in Jesus Christ alone and that everything would get better if I just submitted my life to him and him alone.
Things didn’t get better. I had suffered years of abuse and neglect, obviously things weren’t going to shift overnight and I needed therapy desperately. Not to mention my struggles with depression, substance abuse, self-harm, and disordered eating. Dream child, am I right? But I had the grades and social life to prove I was, I was so high-functioning that to this day most people never knew and haven’t… until potentially now. Some of you might be clutching your pearls right now and are wondering where this “anger” came from, well, it’s nice to meet you. I took my first inhale on a hot summer’s day in late July in 1994 and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon and you can thank my rapists for the fire within me to not “let them win”.
3.5 months ago, I packed my car clutching the awareness that my environment was a determinant to my declining health and decided that my personal happiness mattered. So I left. Three weeks before I left, I attended Together Live for the second year in a row and shit, don’t you just love Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle Melton? That night as I slid into the Uber heading back to the hotel, I knew that I needed to make a change; one week later, I found myself back in the Windy City looking at apartments and making an offer on a studio. Driving back to Iowa, I was overwhelmed with a peace knowing that I had made the right decision and as the country fields passed by, I emailed in my two weeks and began my “see you later’s”.
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If I apologize for anything I say, I am aware that act does not honor myself and the story I am living. If you know me on a personal basis, you are already aware that the word “sorry” peppers my vocabulary more than the word “fuck” does which says quite a bit. However I have come to the realization that it is not worth my energy or time (or your’s) for me to apologize for choosing joy, for choosing my Truth, for choosing a life that I am rapidly falling in love with.
It took me almost twenty-five years to wake up and realize I couldn’t keep performatively striving and that if I did, it would result in another suicide attempt. Prior to my departure, I kept sitting with those (who were or still are) closest to me and confessing how I couldn’t keep doing it anymore. I had been desperate to live my Truth, that’s how I ended up at Together Live a second time, that small lineup of LGBTQ+ folkx who inspire me and who I desperately needed to see to know there was still a glimmer of hope for my life and that there was a future worth living.
inhaling Truth, exhaling Truth, repeat
Sitting amongst my small collection of boxes, I knew I had made a major decision and that there was no going back. I was no longer going to play small, I released my drive to stay quiet and say the “correct” thing for the sake of harmony, and began unearthing all of the bullshit that had been harvested and sown over the years.
If I apologized, I would be dismissing the reality of the how compartmentalizing myself and living for the idea of someone else’s pleasing has had on my health. For the last several years, I have found myself in chronic, debilitating pain, always asking a doctor what my white blood count was and if it was medically safe to be around other people. I didn’t just arrive at that point in one day, it took years. Years of suppression, oppression, abuse, manipulation, and extreme stress so that I could please others and be of what I believed was good standing in their eyes. I believed that if I kept the peace and lived performatively that things would be okay and that I would be seen as worthy of love (fact: you can’t love the idea of a person when it isn’t authentic to them).
As I sat with my boxes witnessing the shift of pain float from my joints through the cracked window, I breathed a sigh of relief. My undoing didn’t happen in a day, it may be a lifelong process. But like I said, I’m not going back. I can’t because if I do… I will either a) have an organ rupture again before I kill myself or b) just kill myself and I recognize the severity of those statements. When I state “going back”, I’m not talking about a place, I’m talking about a person or the idea/presentation of a person I never was.
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I felt my heart flutter when I snapped my rental bike shoes into the clips as I settled in for a Florence + The Machine vs. Mumford and Sons class. I love these bands, I love music, I used to play so many instruments. I used to do a lot of things. So. Many. Things.
That entire ride, I remembered why I love the energy of SoulCycle and was reminded why I chose to leave, for the moments when I can genuinely laugh, smile, belt out the lyrics of songs I love, cheer others on, and feel so deeply that tears crest my eyes as I dance it out in the saddle.
That ride reminded me of the first time I laid on my mat in a hot studio on a Thursday evening four years ago, a class where a teacher reminded me that there was only one me and that I owed it to the world to live my Truth. (It clearly took some time and self work for that belief to sink in)
Living my Truth means acknowledging the overwhelming compassion that exists in my heart, the light I desire to spread – one of love and inclusivity, and speaking honestly. I could not end this honestly if I didn’t acknowledge a moment that happened a few weeks ago that likely will stir some shit up.
A few months ago, I sat in the audience of an LGBTQ+ affirming Christian conference, physically shaking at the thought of people finding out I was there. It kept hitting me how that wasn’t living my Truth if I was scared that people found out I am attracted to women and men. I’ve spent the last decade attempting to reconcile the faith I was raised within and the love in my heart that I was taught was wrong.
Let me say this, the love in my heart is not wrong. I am not a bad thing. I am not unlovable or sinful or overdoing it or “too much” or “not enough”; and to correct the shitty lie I know so many buy into, I’m not queer because I was raped because then you would be forced to face, that I have been sexually abused by men and women. Figure that one out for me and put it in a nicely formatted PowerPoint.
I made a decision to love and honor myself and my Truth and I am not sorry. Feel free to unfollow and unfriend, but I’m not living for the sake of ensuring your personal happiness anymore. Instead I’m going to walk in my power and love the shit out of the people that stand with me.
Reflections : 200hr Yoga Teacher Training (YTT)
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November 2016, I was boarding a flight to the United States after working in the Sichuan province of China the previous few months, blithely unaware of the roller coaster my life would be taking. What I did know as I was leaving a life I had built in China was that I would not be residing in the United States for very long, this was more than a premonition or a longing to escape. Roughly five months later I clutched my passport and waved goodbye as I began trekking towards Rishikesh, India, an ancient city nestled in the base of the Himalayas.
Over the course of five weeks, I completed an intensive 200-hour yoga teacher training in Rishikesh, India, a city regarded as the birthplace of India. My time was magickal, difficult, full of unlearning and relearning, sweaty, and soul enriching. Before I go on, let's back it up a few years to a cold February night in Iowa where I rolled out a borrowed mat in an eighty-degree room.
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February 2015, I had just returned from spending a month in Turkey and had taken on a demanding course load in the name of "doing it all". A close friend had recently discovered a local hot yoga studio and after listening to her rave about it, I agreed to go. It had been a really hard year personally and she seemed happier, more relaxed, so what did I have to lose? Answer: Everything
On a borrowed black mat in an eighty-degree room, I felt myself start to breathe again and felt the tectonic shifts of trauma begin to shift. Over the last three years, I have shown up almost every day on my mat finding that same first breath, grounding, and new life. I would not be who I am today if it were not for engaging in a communal practice, alongside my personal practice at home and in the woods. My teachers (bless them) has saved me in the darkest of times by reminding me to breathe, correcting my hyperextended arms, and the words they part in savasana.
On that plane ride home in November 2016, I knew I would be returning to my yoga community and within weeks, I knew that I was ready to deepen my practice with a 200hr YTT and began my research. Holding the knowledge that yoga had originated in India and having previously traveled there a year prior, I started researching intensive's there. (Note: An intensive is a teacher training that takes place over the course of a month rather than a YTT that takes place on nights and weekends over several months at a studio local to where you reside) In February, I picked a school and applied, immediately I started saving money for the program and booked a round-trip flight.
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to be continued
You Will Survive This (edited)
You will survive this.
Someday you will know this was not your fault and that truth will seep into your bones.
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I don’t know who did this to you, but I believe you even if your so-called friends do not and yes, I know their betrayal hurts far worse. I do not know who did this to you, but I believe you even if the authorities do not, and yes, I know you will never trust them again. I don’t know who did this to you, but I believe you even if that therapist you hesitated to call questions your truth. I don’t know who did this to you, but I believe you. I believe you and it wasn’t your fault even if you don’t believe me right now. I believe you and it wasn’t your fault even if others are blaming you right now.
I believe you and it wasn’t your fault and someday that truth will seep into your bones, but that day probably isn’t today.
I know these things because I have been in your shoes many times before.
I am a multi-time survivor.
My truth has been reported both to the authorities and to my alma mater. Both failed me. But no one failed me more than the folkx I thought were my friends, especially “the one”. You see “the one” sat through my campus investigation, “the one” was there when it happened and tried to stop it. “The one” had asked if “it” had happened before and yes “the one” later accused me of lying about the entire damn thing. That was the day I stopped trusting anyone to stick around, that may sound unfair to the rest of my friends. But it’s not…. because none of them who were around then are still present in my life today.
The friends who stand fiercely in my corner today believe me; most but not all know what happened. I don’t share this part of my life with everyone, part of my reason is shame and fear, but really it comes down to I’ve told the story so many times and sometimes I just want to be their vegan friend who religiously goes to hot yoga.
...I ask that you survive.
People will play a part in this story of yours, they are vital to your survival. You have probably spent a great deal of time fighting this alone, so you already know this truth, you will have to learn to survive on your own. Only you can dictate what methods (re coping) work for you and who you will be from now on, you are the director of your healing
You will survive this.
I’m not going to pretend that I know what right now feels like for you, I only know my story and my experiences. I wanted things to feel normal, the harsh reality is… you will never be the person you once were, similar yes, but never the same. Violence changes things, re-prioritizes what feels important, and as for those friends of yours who don’t believe you and who look at you differently, they haven’t caught up to the new you; I cannot promise they ever will.
You didn’t ask to be a survivor, but you are one now.
Only you can dictate how you will survive, but I ask that you survive. Do not let them win. Our suicide statistics are far too high and I ask that you stay here with us and know we did not ask to be apart of this family, but we are here with you and their choice to hurt us is not the beginning and end of our stories.
Your story is beautiful, it may not feel that way right now but you live a story of resilience and of overcoming the darkness that has sought to take you. The darkness has tried to take me far too many times and no amount of counseling can take away the pain that comes with this. I began the road to survival on a yoga mat, that sounds cliche but it’s where I began and it’s where I’ve returned to several times over the years.
On a cold, wintery night I rolled out my mat in an eighty degree room and for sixty minutes, I tried to be okay and breathe. For sixty minutes, I was led through a series of poses and staved off panic and dissociation. Three years have passed since that night and not too long ago, I completed my own teacher training.
Please choose to survive and find people who will stand in your corner.
I believe you and what happened is not your fault and while you may not believe that today, let that truth seep into your bones. This was not your fault.
Karen Kaltenheuser is a twenty-something human who is makes things with their hands and is helping folkx to tell a better story. Originally from the USA, they have worked in China and Uganda on various projects, while occasionally jaunting to India to become a better yoga teacher. When they aren’t pushing pixels or on location, you can find them getting sweaty at hot yoga, asking if something can be made vegan, or running through an airport. Digitally, you can hang out at theodddaughter.com or on Instagram @kkaltenheuser/@theodddaughter.
It's the Little Things : 90 Things I Take Joy In (& you might too)
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As a graphic designer and illustrator, it is my job to care about the details: picas, hex numbers, and bleeds. My attention to detail doesn't end when I finish a project, it translates to other aspects of my life, one of them being JOY. I've come to know that even when things don't feel like they are going your way or you misplace your car keys, it takes the smallest thing to bring a smile back to your face.
In the wake of tragedy and hardship, negative energy, political frustrations, and misplaced car keys. I believe (perhaps naively at times) that we all have the ability to notice and invite joy into our lives. My hope is that you don't see this as a means to escape the tragedy of life, but as a way to create balance, hope, and another way to personally grow.
My list is ever-growing and I am sure this is a post that I will regularly come back to and if any of you have suggestions to add, feel free to drop them in the comment section. I adore hearing the little things that you take joy in and the ways this practice has turned around your day.
- Hearing everyone say “Om” in unison in a yoga class
- Matcha Lattes
- Early morning breeze
- The way water tastes after a workout
- When your uber driver makes you laugh
- The smell of a yoga studio
- Sleeping with a fan on
- Giving up your seat on the train/bus for someone who needs it
- Low battery mode on iPhone
- Meal delivery services after a long day
- Warm winter days
- Peppermint tea
- Having your photo taken
- Feeling seen
- Listening to music alone in the car
- Remembering a hair tie
- Drinks over ice. Always ice.
- Sweet potato fries
- Facetiming w/ faraway friends/family
- Getting through TSA unscathed
- Internal alarm clock
- When Spotify Discover Weekly gets it right
- Pay it Forward Starbucks Drinks
- Free workout classes
- When your dog lets you rest your head on them like a pillow
- Small silverware
- Chopsticks
- Women supporting other women
- Individuals who impact your life for the better
- Finding a plugin in a new cafe
- Checkers who ask about your dog
- Doing your hair without burning your hand on a hot tool
- Scalp massages
- Murals
- Finding a lost USB cord
- Fresh flowers
- Kale
- Fresh produce
- Checking into a fitness class
- Elderly couples holding hands
- Animals living their best lives
- Connecting with strangers
- Crisp paper
- Menus at restaurants that cater to dietary needs
- Hot apple cider
- Halfing an avocado to discover it is perfectly ripe
- That feeling when a song teleports you to another place/time/person
- "Running" in third position for an entire song at SoulCycle
- Working out so hard you're dripping sweat
- Being recognized
- Meeting a friend who is your long lost twin
- Editing photos
- Illustrating
- The click of the shutter on an analog camera
- Tiny dance parties
- Getting packages in the mail
- The Good Good Co. Newspaper
- Discovering a new podcast
- PLANTS. PLANTS. PLANTS.
- First Friday Art Gallery Hops
- Green Juice
- Running into old friends
- Planning a new adventure and the giddiness that comes with leaving for it
- Having enough sample toiletries and not having to pack your own
- Witnessing kindness between strangers
- Remembering your reusable water bottle/container
- Chaco tan lines
- Closing your eyes while at a concert and soaking in the pureness of the moment
- Late night drives
- Discovering new foods that meet your dietary restrictions
- Owning your power
- Winged eyeliner
- Perfectly whisked matcha
- Stationary stores
- Wind whipping through your hair while cycling
- Mountain hikes
- Having just enough change for the meter
- Jade rollers
- Cacti gardens
- Developing recipes
- Getting cupped
- Realizing you have a gift card when paying for something
- Cracking your knuckles
- Discovering your new favorite place
- Fresh Moleskine notebooks
- New Moon/Full Moon intention setting
- Ineffable moments
- The way the chalk falls when you clap your hands before rock climbing
- Sunrises
- Getting to pull through a parking spot instead of having to back out
Interested in making your own list? Start with a stream of consciousness writing of all the thing you take joy in; if you find yourself stuck, think of small things in your day that makes things easier. For example, the friendly checker at your local grocer or the way your perfume smells.
Learning to heal
They don’t tell you that you will take 40 vitamins every day for three months or that you will shed tears of joy when your body starts to produce white blood cells again.
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I remember the days I couldn’t walk and was too weak to lift my iPhone to mindlessly scroll through Instagram (damn that new algorithm). If I were, to sum up in a few lines how sick I was, please know that I once texted my best friend stating that all I wanted was to be able to run and work again, she understood my desperation. Gone were the days when I could cruise through a 75-minute hot yoga sesh and complain about how I could no longer eat breadsticks, replaced by exhaustion traveling from the kitchen to the couch and vomiting blood.
Draining blood into vials and sending me off for another battery of testing, doctors still came up empty-handed. There were talks of international clinics, possible cancer diagnosis, and questioning if I was faking it. Trust me, you cannot fake coughing up blood and collapsing in the hallway to be woken to consciousness by your dog licking your face.
Days before my colonoscopy, I took a leap of faith and contacted a functional medicine doctor in hopes they would be able to offer answers. I have been chronically ill for ten years and they sat with me for over two hours pouring over my health history and what kind of pipes pump water through my home, things my insurance company would never allow. It’s not that my family physician or team of western doctors don’t care about my healing, they do but insurance gives them 15 minutes max to sit and talk before they’re whisked away,
This new doctor sent me off for another battery of testing complete with blood draws, analysis, and hair testing. Getting tested is exhausting, you feel like a lab rat and you kind of want to die on the inside. They called me a few weeks later, I walked out with a list of vitamins and dietary/lifestyle recommendations.
Ten years later, we have answers.
It doesn’t slip my mind for a day that we only know what we do now because we went rogue from our health insurance and the incredible privilege that comes with both of those things.
So we have diagnosis’s now.
It’s only been six weeks and most days still feel like an experiment in terms of energy, food intolerances, and remembering to swallow 40 vitamins, but we’re getting there. In case you were wondering, I frequently sprint down our driveway to get the mail just because I can right now and I’ve been applying for jobs and yes, I did go to a 75-minute hot yoga sesh (and left aware of how I pushed too hard).
How To : Coconut Matcha Macaroons
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As someone who is passionate about only eating whole, clean ingredients, making these macaroons was a no-brainer. Macaroons have always been one of those foods that were off limits to me due to various allergies, but I was determined to find a way. These are quick and easy to make with only four ingredients and are void of most common allergens.
Recipe Type: Paleo, AIP, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Vegan, Sugar-Free
Makes: 16 Macaroons
Prep Time: 2-3 minutes | Production: 14 minutes
Reusable Materials:
+ glass storage container
+ parchment paper
+ mixing bowl
+ measuring spoons
+ measuring cup
Ingredients:
2 (Very Ripe) bananas
1 1/3 cup of unsweetened shredded coconut
¼ tsp of vanilla extract
1 ½ tbsp. matcha
Instructions:
+ Preheat oven to 350 F
+ In a small bowl, mash your banana with a fork, adding the vanilla, and continue to mash until all lumps are gone
+ Stirring in the shredded coconut until your mixture looks like coarsely mashed potatoes, add in the matcha so that it is evenly distributed throughout the mix
+Use approx.. 2 tbsp per macaroon, scooping them into balls and evenly placing them on the parchment lined cooking sheet.
+ Bake for ten minutes, check the underside of the macaroon to see that they are starting to show bits of brown around the edges. Lightly sprinkle some shredded coconut on the top, place the macaroons back inside on broil for 1-2 minutes.
+ Take them out and let them cool until they are comfortable to handle and they can be stored in a glass container, either at room temp or in the fridge.
If you’d like, you can melt some chocolate to dip the finished macaroons in and then let them cool in your refrigerator.
Happy Making Darlings!
How To : Mint Matcha Smoothie
As someone who is passionate about only eating whole, clean ingredients, this smoothie was perfect for the job. Not only is it quick to make, but it is full of clean, green energy and is packed with protein that will leave you full.
Recipe Type: Vegan, Gluten Free, and Soy Free
Makes: 1 smoothie
Reusable materials:
+ glass jar
+ blender
+ measuring spoons
+ measuring cup
Ingredients:
1 Pear
½ Avocado
1 tbsp. Cooking Grade Matcha Powder
1 tsp. Spirulina
¼ cup chia seeds
½ cup Vanilla Flax Milk
4 mint leaves
Instructions:
+ Cut pear and avocado into chunks in order to be more evenly blended
+ Add cut pear, avocado, chia seeds, spirulina, matcha, flax milk, and crushed mint leaves to blender
+ Blend mixture until there is a consistent thick seafoam color. If you want a higher liquid content, add ¼ cup more flax milk at this point and blend again.
+ Pour mixture into a glass jar/cup and enjoy!
Ingredients are flexible and up to your discretion, you could add in cacao to create a chocolate peppermint type taste. If you have a specific allergy, feel free to change out the ingredients to something that is compliant with your needs.
Happy Making Darlings!
How To : Matcha Chia Seed Energy Bites
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As someone who is passionate about only eating whole, clean ingredients, making these bites were a no-brainer. Energy balls have always been one of my favorite things to make, as they are perfect for a pre-workout snack or a quick breakfast grab. Not only are they filling, but these energy balls are packed with clean, green energy, protein, and refined sugar-free.
Recipe Type: Vegan, Gluten Free, and Soy Free
Makes: 10 bites
Prep: 5 minutes | Production: 65 minutes
Reusable materials:
+ glass storage container
+ parchment paper
+ food processor/blender
Ingredients:
5 pitted dates
¼ cup cashews
½ cup peanut butter
2 tbsp. chia seeds
2 tbsp. cooking grade matcha powder
2 tsp. spirulina
¼ cup toasted coconut flakes
Instructions:
+ Before pulsing, layer dates followed with cashews, toasted coconut flakes, chia seeds, matcha, and spirulina, top with peanut butter. This layering will help hold the dry ingredients together through evenly distributing the sticky ingredients. Pulse it out.
+ Pull a sheet of parchment paper and evenly pour out the mixture, forming evenly sized energy balls (Low on time? Flatten out mixture to later cut into bars). Place in a glass container in the freezer for 1 hour to solidify hold (longer won’t hurt it).
+ Remove from freezer and enjoy! Store balls in the fridge for up to 1 week.
Ingredients are flexible and up to your discretion, you could swap out cashews for another nut or cacao nibs. If you have a specific nut allergy, feel free to swap out for a different type of nut butter as the amount needed does not change.
Happy Making Darlings!
How To : Sweet Potato Truffle Fries
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As someone who is passionate about eating whole, clean ingredients, these truffle sweet potato fries were a no-brainer. These are perfect to bring to a party, an appetizer to snack on while watching the game, or the side dish to a cozy dinner at home.
Recipe Type: Vegan, Gluten Free, and Soy Free
Makes: 4 Servings
Prep: 10 minutes | Production: 40 minutes
Reusable Materials :
Cooking Sheet
Aluminum Foil
Grated Knife
Ingredients :
4 medium sweet potatoes
2 tbsp. Cold Pressed Avocado Oil
1 Garlic Clove (or 1 tsp. garlic powder)
2 tbsp. Vegan Parmesan Cheese Crumbles
1 tbsp. Chopped Parsley
Instructions :
+ Heat oven up to 400° Fahrenheit / 200° Celsius
+ Wash sweet potatoes vigorously
+ Start by cutting off ends and then slice down middle (widthwise) creating two halves then cut each half into smaller slivers
+ Cover the cooking sheet with aluminum foil and evenly spread the pieces out then lightly drizzle with avocado oil
+ Create a spice mixture, garlic is standard but feel free to add paprika or sea salt then lightly shake mixture across the pieces, following up w/ the chopped parsley
+ Place pan in oven for approx. 40-45 minutes, the crispier the better
Recommended Dipping Mixtures: Vegan Mayo, Vegan Aioli Sauce, Vegan Ranch, and of course the crowd favorite, Guacamole.
Happy Making Darlings!
How to : Coconut Matcha Energy Bars
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As someone who is passionate about only eating whole, clean ingredients, this bar was a no-brainer. The bar is perfect for a pre-workout snack or a quick breakfast grab with its clean, green energy, protein and there is no added sugar like bars you would find at the store.
Recipe Type: Vegan, Gluten Free, and Soy Free
Makes: 8 bars
Prep: 5 minutes | Production: 60 minutes
Reusable materials:
+ glass storage container
+ parchment paper
+ food processor/blender
Ingredients:
1 ¼ cups organic dates, pitted + chopped (approx. 8 dates)
½ cup pumpkin seeds
½ cup cashews
¼ cup hemp seeds
1 tsp. vanilla bean extract
1 tbsp. cooking grade matcha powder w/ additional for sprinkling
2 tsp. spirulina
¼ cup toasted coconut flakes
Instructions:
+ Combine dates, cashews, pumpkin seeds, hemp seeds, vanilla, matcha, spirulina, and toasted coconut flakes (leave enough to lightly sprinkle) in food processor/blender and pulse until well-combined. The mixture should stick easily stick together, if it is falling apart, add a few more dates and process again until combined.
+ Pull a sheet of parchment paper (so bars are easily removable) and spread out the mixture, lightly sprinkle remaining toasted coconut flakes and matcha. Pull edges of the sheet over mixture (imagine wrapping a gift) and press until mixture is formed together in a long bar.
+ Place parchment wrapped bar in freezer for at least 60 minutes (longer won’t hurt it)
+ Remove bar from the freezer and unwrap parchment paper, cut into bars and store in your fridge for up to 1 week.
Ingredients are flexible and up to your discretion, you could swap out pumpkin seeds for cacao nibs or dried fruit. If you have a specific nut allergy, feel free to swap out cashews for one that is compliant w/ your allergen needs.
✨ Happy making darlings ✨
How to : Homemade Coconut Mylk
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As someone who is passionate about living zero waste, plastic free, cruelty-free, and wholly aware of what I am putting in my body, it only feels natural to learn to make foods that would be easier to buy.
First stop: Coconut mylk.
As a vegan, this route feels a bit easier than someone who participates in the dairy industry. My initial step to accomplishing this was picking up the packaging materials from a grocer. All of the materials will be listed where I initially picked them up, however, these can be picked up just about anywhere. Making your own mylk after the initial production costs will be cheaper than what you would normally pay.
Prep: 5 minutes | Production: 2.75 minutes
Reusable materials:
+ Nut Mylk Straining Bag (Whole Foods – mine is mesh)
+ Glass Container (Target)
+ Optional: Funnel
Coconut Mylk Ingredients:
+ 2 Cups of Shredded Coconut – Sweetened or Unsweetened (Trader Joes)
+ 4 Cups of Water (your tap)
+ Dash of Cinnamon (Whole Foods)
+ Himalayan Pink Salt (Trader Joes)
Instructions:
1. Purchase all of the items over the course of time, feel free to search around for items that fit your budget and that you can use long term. These items can also be used for making cold-brew and other items at home!
2. In a blender, add all of your ingredients together and blend until satisfied with the milky smoothness. Keep in mind there will still be some shreds of coconut floating around.
3. Open up your jar or bottle and add the mesh bag either atop the bottle or atop the opening of the blender opening. Slowly pour the ingredients, don’t be concerned with the amount of pulp. Once all of the milky contents have poured in, lift the bag of pulp and squeeze until you cannot get anything out. (note: a funnel could be helpful if your jar or bottle has a small opening)
4. Zero Waste Option: Use the excess pulp and put it in an ice cube tray to be used later as a snack or in your coffee.
5. Ta Da! You did it! Now put that work of beauty in the fridge and shake to enjoy when you’re ready to use. The amount generated is based on how well it blends and will vary from batch to batch.
Every ingredient you use and the materials are totally up to your discretion. You are the one drinking this and you want it to work for you. Some sites to check out for ingredients: Fred Meyer, Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Meijer, Target, Walmart, Thrive Market*, Walgreens, CVS.
*When I was initially searching, something I loved about searching through Thrive Market was the option to purchase a kit. If you are intersested in the kit, DM me through Instagram (icon below) or through the contact box and I can get you a 15% off code for your first purchase. This is not a sponsored post, but I adore the accessibility of Thrive Market and always love to help others out!
Happy making darlings!
Transitions : Vegan Lifestyle
A Vegan Story:
I remember the day so clearly, my host family and I had just returned from an engagement ceremony. As the sole white guest and host daughter of the officiant, I was gifted a chicken and it was given to my host parents to be slaughtered in my honor. Tears still well up in my eyes.
Mt. Elgon National Park, Uganda (2015).
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Years earlier, I had made the decision to stop eating all red meat, pork, and seafood; it was made after seeing Food Inc. and learning more about the environmental ramifications of eating meat. At ten years old, I learned about the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) who had just developed PETA2, a program for youth. MySpace had also just released a book about the environment and different ways to change your lifestyle in order to lower your carbon footprint. I was enamored with learning more about the environment, ways to reduce my carbon footprint, recycling, and animal welfare. At this time, I was convinced that if I was aware of how my food was humanely killed then it was somehow justifiable (spoiler alert: there is no humane way to slaughter any living being).
There were signs before I learned about PETA or viewed documentaries concerned animal welfare or the environment. Perhaps it was my eight-year-old baptism speech that centered around my love for animals and how I wanted to be a veterinarian. Perhaps it sprouted from being raised on a farm and growing up around animals, my first friends. My heart has always been sensitive to the earth and animals and their treatment.
There were signs before I learned about PETA or viewed documentaries concerned animal welfare or the environment.
But at twenty-years-old, I sat in the common area of my Ugandan host parent's compound as my host mother asked if I would like chicken for dinner. My western understanding of how meat made its way to my plate was about to be violently shattered. As I heard and watched what happened, tears rolled down my cheeks and I vowed to never eat meat again and with the exception of a few dinners, I have held true to this commitment.
Three years have passed and with a growing list of food allergies, I have found myself getting more creative with meal prep. Leading a vegan lifestyle isn't just about avoiding meat, but it is about preventing suffering. Yes, you do eat foods void of dairy, animal byproduct, bee pollen, honey, meat, and eggs. Yes, you do purchase products void of animal byproducts such as toiletries and apparel and other daily items.
Leading a vegan lifestyle isn't just about avoiding meat, but it is about preventing suffering.
My choice to stay vegan despite having a laundry list of food allergies is about more than having some trendy label to my lifestyle. It is about preventing suffering, following the yogic discipline of non-violence, and perhaps the thing that hits home most, my dog is no different than a baby cow. My sweet boxer's name is Bailey, she's a rescue who adores car rides and treats but faces intense anxiety from the abuse that brought her to a rescue shelter where we met her two years ago. Every day I wake up and look at her sweet face and wonder how anyone could ever hurt her, could ever hurt any animal, or could ever commit an act of violence.
This blog isn't meant to convince you of anything, but to make you think and to know that being vegan isn't about some trendy label or a talking point at a dinner party. It's about saving lives and improving the quality of life for not for not only animals but those who take care of them and farm the food that makes its way to our dinner table.
Resources if you want to learn more:
Nutrition and the Vegan Lifestyle
How To : Overnight Matcha Chia Pudding
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Vegan, Gluten Free, Soy Free, Dairy Free
Prep Time: 3 minutes | Refrigerate: min. of 4 hours
Makes: 3 Small Mason Jars
Ingredient List:
2 cups Coconut Milk*
1/2 tsp Matcha
1/2 cup Chia Seeds
Instructions:
Mix Coconut Milk, Matcha, and Chia seeds together until there are no dispersed chunks. If you have access to a blender bottle, utilize this for blending purposes. After evenly blending, pour into mason jars and place in refrigerator for at least four hours; if you are able, store them overnight for a breakfast ready treat. Once you are ready to eat one of the servings, feel free to garnish it with berries, shredded coconut, or seeds. My favorite is chopped strawberries or blueberries! Each jar will keep for up to seven days if kept refrigerated. Enjoy!
*Note: If you have a nut allergy, oat milk or quinoa milk or flax milk are great alternatives to a nut milk. If you are not a fan of coconut milk, feel free to swap out with another nut milk if nuts are not a problem for you.